you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
