the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
