It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
