he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
