but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
