I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
