I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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