Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
birth control should be required to get into college
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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