Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
