I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
