Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
