come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
