he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
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