what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
