i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
