she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
