and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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