So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
