Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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