Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
