I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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