Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
