the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
