then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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