it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Found the puke drawer
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
