i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
