I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
