Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
