She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
