the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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