I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
