This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
