I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
