so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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