i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
