oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
