After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
