i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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