So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She's JV to your varsity
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
