Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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