Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I want her autograph on my taint
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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