If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
