We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
