if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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