Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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