About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
