she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
