party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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