I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
