He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
