I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
