I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
