I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
